DEAR DIARY
by thunderbird5
Summary: A rescue turns John's world upside down and he ends up on a emotional rollercoaster.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: How I wish the boys were mine. But no, they belong to someone else.

Thanks to Rosa241 for fixing all my spelling and grammar up for me.

The following stories are linked to this story. My heart will go on, Hear comes goodbye, How Does It Feel, My fear of going blind and walk of fear and panic. Please read My fear of going blind before you read this story.

Happy reading and please review?

Dear diary.

1 June 2066

I was told to put down my thoughts a few months ago. Okay. Not really. I told myself to do it. Why you might wonder? Well, it all started with that blasted rescue, you know the one that spelled the end of my sighted world and beginning of my blind world.

A call came in like it always does however this time it wasn't me who received the distress call. Nope, it was my little brother. He wasn't sure at first. The person who called sounded quite odd to him, talking all funny and such. He thought it was a prank. So he called me and asked if I could talk to whoever it was and see if I could figure out if it was a prank call or a real one.

So I took it and I could hear the Afrikaans accent in the voice which was also sounding quite panicky. It was a teenager maybe thirteen or fourteen years old. Although the poor teen sounded like a six year old. It was a girl who called herself Jill. When I got her to calm down I asked her what had happened. She started to talk in both English and Afrikaans, it was then that I realized that she couldn't speak English well.

So she switched over in Afrikaans completely. Luckily I knew some of the language but found it quite hard to remember how to speak it so I talked in English and she answered in Afrikaans, which thankfully she understood quite well. We went out there after I told my brother that it was a real call for help and that my suspicions were that the teen was mentally disabled.

We got everyone out from the pile of debris which was an apartment block for the disabled. I had found a little girl, she was only tiny; perhaps five years old, and she wrapped her arms around my neck, and buried her little face in the chest of my uniform. I felt and heard the ominous rumble of something going on under the debris I was balanced on. I heard the voices of my brothers shouting for me to get away from the pile of debris but as I moved away a saw a flash and new no more.

When I next came to the little girl was holding onto my hand telling me to wake up. As she saw that I was awake she hugged me tight and said: "Thank you. You're my blue blonde angel!" I couldn't make out her or anyone else's faces. I couldn't even see what dress the little girl had on. I was far too out of it to even think straight never mind panicking. The only thought I had in that moment was: "Damn, my head hurts."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary

2 June 2066

My next memory was at the hospital, where my eyesight hadn't gotten much clearer. I was told after numerous tests that I would have to wear glasses or contact lenses', as my vision wasn't expected to improve. I wasn't told that my eyesight would likely get worse too.

I went home with my brothers. I've got to say I was so glad to get out of the hospital. In all honesty I just wanted to go home, crawl into bed and wake up knowing that it was all just a nightmare. Pretty much everything hurt all over not that it surprised me at all, from what I was told on the flight home I took quite a tumble and which was something my brothers swore to not see again. They thought that I had broken my neck. By the way I was falling they say I turned every time to take the hit and prevent the little girl from getting hurt. Even when I was knocked out at some points my body was reacting to keep the little girl safe.

Well, we got home and I locked myself in my room before the mother hens could come through my door and cluck away. They'll kill me if they know that I think of them like that. Oh well. It's my diary and I can do what I wish in here. Right? No harm done.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

5 June 2066

Okay. This is strange. I didn't mention it in here before but last month I had a headache. Not something to worry about, right? Took some meds for it after Scotty boy had me pinned up against a wall. I was a bit snappish I guess. Something I'm not use to but I didn't realize that I was snapping at everyone. Really. I didn't know. Then I got another one just a few days ago. When I used my meds, which Gordon had put in my room for me, it was just gone.

So here I am. My head spinning around and my eyes doing the strangest things to me. Twisting, blurring, fading, screens going bright and then dim again, pain shooting through them every now and then, numbness, heavy, things melting into one and getting tired without warning. Not fun I tell you. Oh, and I'm hanging on to a very thin thread of my sanity.

I'm talking to my friend I've met on the internet, taking it all out through our messages. Asking why? Talking just nonsense and wondering when my poor friend is going to get tired of my rambling. I mean she's been putting up with my madness for quite some time. Heavens knows if she ever found out what I do for a living and why I'm going way off the track at times.

Hell, I want to tell her everything. From the start. What I do, where I go, for how long, everything. But with the job I do I can't even really talk of it here. Yes, I've spoken of the rescue but anyone could have saved that little girl. So even if this book is found one day they wouldn't really know. Would they?

I'm heading to bed now. Maybe tomorrow I'll be okay. Gordon is watching me through the window. I'm going to have to kill him first before he starts sniffing around my room to see what I'm doing. Hopefully he thinks I'm doing some work on my book. So here I go.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

8 June 2066

I'm going mad for sure. I'm losing it. Everything is so, so odd. I mean it. Today I nearly took the wall to the kitchen out. I'm off balance constantly leaning to the right or to the left. I nearly fell over at least a hundred times too. I'm just glad the mother hens didn't see any of that. Maybe Kyrano saw it but he won't tell them unless he knows that he has to.

I fled to my room and threw myself down on my bed, hoping that it would just go away. After a while of sulking I got up and sat down in front of my laptop. I have to do some work or watch a video, just anything to calm myself down before I start to panic. I see my friend is online and I tell her about what I'm feeling. For a while she didn't respond, maybe she went away cause she doesn't know what to say or had gotten tired of me? She came back and well, how do I put this. She told me to talk to her. Yell if I want to, just do anything as long as I talked to her. Hell I'm glad I don't talk to her via video like I do with my brothers when I'm upstairs.

I really feel like I'm going to go mad. Father was watching me. And believe me he'll tell Virgil every darn thing he sees. I understand that he's worried and everything but Virgil would stick to me like glue. He's gotten one of those little monitors you use to watch babies with when they sleep. Well, he and Brains had made one for adults. Really, really hate that thing. It also has this small metal thing that Virgil hides under the sheets somewhere, it's a bio-scanner I think. I've tried to find that little thing to get rid of it and well, I may not be able to see Virgil's face very well but I never want him as close to me as he was when he caught me looking for it.

When did that happen you ask? Well, the day we came back from the hospital. I had gone outside to sit and get my head together before dinner and while I was outside my brother had gone to my room and setup the darn thing. I should have known that he'd know.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

12 June 2066

I can't take this anymore. Dad just told Penny how proud he is of me, that I'm handling everything well or so he and the rest of my family think. They had called the doctor yesterday telling him that I've had two headaches and that I was having blurred vision. Virgil had followed me around for a while and when I turned to yell at him to leave me alone I somehow got to near the edge of the stairs leading down to the pool and I fell over down the stairs. Gordon, who was swimming at the time, was out of the pool faster than thunderbird one.

I couldn't make heads or tails of my surroundings when I came to a jarring stop at the bottom stair. I was hurting all over and I could feel that the walls I had built up over the month crumbling. I felt someone touch me checking me over for any broken bones. And then I felt hands pulling my legs straight as I was shifted a bit and then I ended up flat on my back. I didn't even know that I was leaning against the last stair before I ended up on my back.

I heard someone tell everyone to give me some room and to go into the house. When they left I found the person lifting me up into a sitting position. To my dismay it was Virgil. He had somehow told Scott to go into the house, no doubt he'd given him something to do. I looked at him. Not sure if I should talk. That was when my last wall broke. I threw myself against my brother and well, I just cried. He didn't say a word. He just held me and rocked me like a little child.

I started to mumble my thoughts into his shirt. Why me? How could this be happening to me? Things like that. Then I just stopped. Without a word I pushed myself away from my brother and somehow made it onto my feet. He walked with me to my room and left me to gather myself. What it was that had made him leave me alone for a while I don't know, guess he just got the message. Although I think I must have hurt his feelings a bit. He means well but sometimes he smothers you too much, not that he knows it. I guess I have to say sorry to him when I see him again.

I got onto the internet and found my friend. She was all chipper and happy. Then I had to go and hang over her like a dark cloud. She didn't mind me going off. It's like she was just sitting there, waiting for me to come and rain out all my frustrations. Heavens knows where I got her from. I was on a train to nowhere. She told me that she was updating a story she's doing on a fan page and so I decided to read it.

After I've read the update I got back to the messaging page and thanked her. She had totally derailed my thought train to nowhere. I also sent her a message saying sorry for blowing up and that I hoped that she wouldn't be mad at me. I felt so horrible. Now I had to people to say sorry to.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Hi everyone. I was trying so hard to update yesterday but when you've got edge internet from a cell phone network who can't keep their promises, you have no choice but to make do with what you get from them. So here's chapter six. Enjoy.

Dear diary.

15 June 2066

The day after I took my frustrations out on my friend, she had messaged me back and told me that she didn't want me to say sorry, that she's glad I took it out in her messages. For a few days now I've talked to her and when she asked me how I was doing I would tell her. Not once did she snap or tell me that I'm an idiot. Not once did she make me feel bad. She doesn't even laugh at me. She didn't even laugh when I told her of a dream I had. Where did I find her?

Father had called the doctor again to get an appointment for me. It would be in August that I would have to go to the mainland. Just wonderful. So now I have to ride this emotional rollercoaster for another month and a half. I fear that I may not last that long. Sooner or later someone is going to find me broken down somewhere. What about my friend? How much can she take before she to breaks down? I can't keep on yelling at her, it's not her fault. She didn't cause my eyes to do this did she?

I don't want them to see me when I do break. I don't know how they would react. I mean when Gordon was really down in his self pity hole he had tried to ask us to let him go. I remember the look on everyone's faces. I remember holding him and yelling at him to snap out of it, after which I had held him as we both cried. He never thought down that line ever again and he had promised me that if I ever go down the thought track he had taken he would make dam sure that I know his other side.

I know he's watching me and I have a feeling that pretty soon he's going to come into my room. So I've changed the code on my door and also disabled the override. If Virgil or Father ever finds that out I'm doomed. They all would kill me, take turns to take me apart piece by painfully piece and then lock me in the sickroom and watch me with laser eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

19 June 2066

I've not gone down for breakfast. I managed to make myself a cup of coffee and get back to my room. Strange things are going on here I'm telling you. Like yesterday I was standing behind Tin-Tin, she was on the computer in the games room just playing some card game, I couldn't even see the dots on the cards. I told her that and she stopped playing and just looked at me. I knew that she was giving me this sad look.

I left her and just hid myself away in my room. Then next dad was doing some work on his computer. He asked me to look at it and tell me what I thought of what I saw. I couldn't see a thing. As I came closer to the screen I saw to my horror a strange shape taking form right in the middle of it, like an eye. I felt sick. I backed away and started to sway a bit. Dad didn't see it and just asked me what I thought.

I backed up and toppled over backwards. Scott had come into the room and saw me before I could hit the floor. He caught me just in time. I felt him lift his left wrist up. No doubt about to call Virgil. I grabbed his arm and twisted it so that he won't be able to do just that. I didn't mean to hurt him but I got a slight yelp from him. He let go of me and when his hand came over to pry my hand off his now twisted left arm I let go and ran out the door.

I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't want them to worry over me. I nearly ran Brains and Tin-Tin over halfway to my room. When the door was shut I once again jumped onto the internet and went looking for my poor friend. One's again I ranted. She got me calmed down somewhat and told me to talk to the family. I got upset and started to yell at my friend and I told her that I couldn't. I couldn't take them back to the day Gordon had asked us. Not again.

My friend stuck to talking to my father or even Virgil as long as one person knew. Well, I got off the internet and played some music to forget the last messages my friend had sent. It wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything wrong. I really hated my job for a moment. If she knew why I couldn't talk to the family she wouldn't have suggested me to talking to them.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

22 June 2066

Waking up I knew that I had to talk to dad. I walked straight into his office to be honest I wasn't even awake properly. My dad just looked me up and down. I didn't care at that moment. I had to let him know what I've found on the internet that morning while everyone was still asleep. I just had to tell him. Like my friend had told me to do. So while my brain was still waking up and while I still had the guts to do it I started to explain.

I told dad of the videos I've seen and listened to and before I could get to the part I wanted to tell him he stopped me and told me that it can be fixed and that he had a call to take. I told him that he should listen to what I want to say. When he turned I lost it and just ran from the room. One's again I ended up on the internet. Yup. One's again my poor friend had to read my angry messages.

I told her what had happened and that I'm not talking to father again. She felt my anger I guess. Man I shouldn't do this to her. Why do I turn to her? She doesn't deserve this. Not even a friend as mixed up as me. She told me to hold on, to not give in. She said that I'm strong and should keep my chin up no matter what. She reminded me of our saying. Never give up at any cost. If she only knew how close her words had hit home this day.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

25 June 2066

I was again sitting on my bed. My head was hanging and I was thinking of nothing but my need to get away from the island. What I never expected was for Gordon to somehow open my door. Walk in to my room and pluck me off my bed with such force that it felt like both my arms was going to break off my body. He dragged me out of the house and before I knew it he had me head over heels into the pool.

For a moment I didn't move and I tried to figure out what had him do this in the first place. Then a pair of hands had a hold of me again and I was pushed up and as soon as I broke the surface of the water I was pushed to the side. My eyes were burning from the pool water and everything was blurring out. Again someone took a hold of my hands which was still holding on for dear life at the side of the pool and pulled me up and out of the water.

My head spun and before I could even tell Gordon that I'm going to get sick I fell over and proceeded to toss my cookies. My brother had me before I could fall down into my own mess and held me close as I tried to correct myself and stop myself from shaking and my body from rejecting anything else.

I didn't even have a chance to test my now weakened legs before I was dragged back into the house and to my room. One's there my brother had pushed me into the shower and I got the shock of my life when ice cold water came raining down on me. That done I was helped out and told that I had five minutes to get dressed and that if I didn't do as I was told he would come in and dress me himself. Shocked and shivering from the cold I sat down on the ground for a moment. Jumping up again I got dressed. I most definitely didn't want to go through the embarrassment of getting dressed by one of my brothers.

Going back into my room Gordon made me sit on the bed, dragging my desk chair over he sat down on it and just looked at me. Then he lifted his hands and took my face and made me look him straight into his eyes. When he spoke it was a Gordon I didn't know but the one you would know in Wasp. His voice had a sternness to it that froze me to the spot. "You're not going to give up John. Or are you?"

He looked at me. And I knew without even seeing that his green eyes had changed. He remembered the day I had pulled him from his hole. He knew that I was one foot into my own hole, that I had something in mind that would turn everyone's life upside down. I was scared to nod my head to let him know that I was planning on giving up. I didn't want to go for another swim and cold shower.

I knew now why he had done it. I looked at him and asked. "How? How did you know?" Letting go of my face Gordon sat up straight and folding his hands in his lap said: "You had that very same look I had in the hospital John. Last night your face showed it so I knew that you'll be here."

He leaned over. Took my hands and stood up taking me with him. Pulling me close he held me and I could feel him shaking. I knew he wanted to knock me against a wall or shake me until I let go of my thoughts. Looking at him and seeing him watch me I said. "Never give up at any cost. Right?"

Crushing me to him he said. "Do me a favour John? Just hold on until we know what will happen next. Okay? I'm here for you, like you were there for me."

I smiled and messed up his hair. He didn't even try to move off. Smiling at me he jumped away and grinned. "Just hold on Johnny boy. Hold on for me." He left and I knew that he'll stay with me and walk the road with me.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

27 June 2066

I woke up with a yelp as someone jumped right on top of me. Opening my eyes just a bit and seeing the world do a blurry dance I closed them again and kicked out with my legs to get whoever it was off. Bad idea. Whoever it was grabbed my legs and I ended up flat on my back out and off my warm bed. Opening my eyes again I saw Gordon looking down at me. "We're going to the mainland Johnny boy. You, me and Virgil."

So I sat up and just looked at him. "Why? Who's going to go out when a call comes in?" I just knew he was grinning. "Don't you worry about that. Alan will fly Virgil's bird if it comes down to it." I remembered that Brains had gone upstairs the day before to fix or change a few things. I didn't really listen the day before. Gordon got me onto my feet and said. "Get ready. We're flying in an hour."

So when we got to the mainland my eyes were tested again only the pressure was taken. The results weren't too good. My eye pressure was too high. So Virgil was back on the phone and got my appointment moved to a closer date.

We went shopping for things back at the island. No girl stuff for Tin-Tin. Although I found a few blankets in a shop that I knew she would have liked. I didn't look around much. The world was doing funny things to my eyes. Melting into one and just getting all misty. After getting everything we needed Gordon went off and came back with a box in his hand. Handing it over to me he said. "To cheer you up Johnny boy."

I took it and smiled at him. It was a portable DVD player. Brains would make me a better one if I asked but. Sometimes just getting a normal one and getting it from a brother are one of the best things to get and to have. I was glad to have it. Since my old player I had for a few years had finally broken down a few days before.

We went for lunch and then we headed back home. Virgil was watching me and at some point I told him to cut it out and rather watch where he was flying. I couldn't help to grin when the song George of the jungle popped into my head. At least Virgil is flying too high to hit a tree. And he had Gordon next to him still it got him off my back for a while.

Dad wasn't too happy when Virgil had told him about the results. I couldn't blame him. So I went back to my room and sent my poor friend a message. This time she was not under my dark cloud. She was asking me how my day went and I told her. That night I played with my new player and then went to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

Dear diary.

30 June 2066

Funny feeling in my head. Odd. I got up and went on my way. As I helped father with some work and made a few cups of coffee for everyone I started to feel a bit sick. My head has this feeling of the start of a headache. Not wanting to get father on my back like the night before I told him and ended up in front of Virgil's door.

He gave me a pill and when I told him that I'm going to use my meds he told me not to do so. So I left and made some coffee to wash down the pill with. Even after an hour my head still feels funny. I don't know if it's my eyes or not but I'm getting worried. Not nice to walk around like a bear who's about to get a nasty headache.

Again I ended up in front of Virgil's door. This time I felt quite moody and when my brother opened the door I didn't even have to tell him what the matter was. Again he gave me meds only this time they were a bit stronger. The pill he gave me wasn't as strong as the shots my redhead of a brother got but strong enough to take away a really bad pain where ever it was. I left him and hoped that this time my headache would take a hike for good. I couldn't think straight enough to save my life if I wanted to.

So I went on with some work and then my internet left me hanging. Great timing. I couldn't even talk to my friend. What's going to happen next? Well? I ended up asking my father if they too had internet problems. They are lucky enough to still have their internet connection. I have a feeling that they might end up off the network at some point. Maybe Brains is sorting out some connection problems upstairs and so I've been one of the first ones to lose contact with the network we have here. Oh well.

I'm going to bed now and hopefully I'm not going to have another headache visit tomorrow. I also have to pack a few things when we go to the mainland on the second of July. Virgil just came over to my room and told me the news. I'm seeing my doctor on the third. Fabulous then my mind will be put to rest finally. After which I could scrape what's left of my sanity together and glue it back together again. Or else my redhead brother will make damn sure that it is when he gets his hands on me. He's about ready to kill me if I start heading down the wrong track again. If we're needed the birds will find us and pick us up where ever we are.

So I've just sent my friend a message telling her of my day and father is letting me stay on his connection to the network to use it until I get mine fixed.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

1 July 2066

Forget what Gordon had said. Today I heard the sound of raised voices again. I'm the reason for what is happening to my family, I'm the reason they are yelling now. I could only sit here and listen; I had no way of stopping them. I'm not able to handle that. I feel like I'm the weak link. If something is going to happen it's always what if John can't? Remember he's going blind. We have to look out for him, someone has to go with him. What if he can't handle this or do that?

Wish I was upstairs. Not here. Sometimes I'm lucky if we can get off the island and go somewhere without some sort of fight.

That's why I don't talk to father. With everything going on I would like to do things on my own and alone it's no use to put more on the plate. Why I'm going through with the doctors visit I really don't know. I know that my friend told me to stay strong and all that but for what and for who?

My face is red hot. I can feel the heat coming off my skin. Still no tears would fall from my eyes. I want to run. I want to scream so bad. I want to dig a hole, jump into it and disappear forever. I feel so hurt, sad, tired of all of this. Why does this always happen? Before I have to go away somewhere someone has to cause a fight. If it's not Alan its Scott. I'm not a child anymore for heaven's sake.

I'm feeling so alone and cold right now with nowhere to turn. The house had gone quiet. Nowhere to run but to shut everyone out of my mind. My friend must have gone to bed I guess since I didn't see her online. Good thing too. I can't risk talking to her whilst everyone here is on edge. I don't want her to see me now. I would just yell and yell until I couldn't anymore. My friend knows how much I can rant but she's never seen what happens when I'm over powered with hurt. I'll try to keep myself busy with something and then pack a few things for the coming days. This time I'm not talking unless I'm spoken to. No use to talk to anyone anymore.

Every time I find some place to rant or a friend I think I could trust somewhere, somehow, someone would let someone in the family know about what I'm up to. How I don't know. Only one friend who is always at the receiving end of my rant has kept her promise to me.

I've packed my things and I've avoided my family most of the time today. I'm going to go to bed and hope that all of this was just a nightmare.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

2 July 2066

Sounds like everyone is in a good mood today. I got my bags and moved them to the lounge. Remembering my meds I ran back to my room and got them. Just as I zipped my bag closed I felt odd like I knew that something wasn't right. Getting up I went to where the jet was waiting what I found made me turn and run back in the direction I had come from. Once again the lot was at it. Finally I nearly jumped a mile when my father spoke behind me. "John move your stuff to the jet. We're leaving soon."

I took my stuff to the jet and dumped it all on the ground to be packed. The only thing I held back was the player Gordon had given to me. I turned and got into the jet. Finding the last seat at the back of the jet I sat down and waited for whoever to get onboard and fly the jet. I didn't care about anything anymore. Why should I?

I could hear someone walk towards my seat. Not looking up I just mumbled: "Go away whoever you are. I'm here so just fly will you?"

I jumped a bit when someone's arm came over my back and a hand dug itself between my arms and chin forcing me to lift my hand and look up at them. Two green eyes were looking down at me. Understanding and at the same time not happy with my mood I'm displaying. Moving passed me he sat down next to me and buckled himself in and then he lent over me and did the same to me.

I guess he knew why I was upset. The jet began to move and as soon as we were in the air my brother looked at me and said: "Father and I are going with you." I only looked away. I knew Gordon would come with me but father? I thought it would be Virgil. I only hoped that the visit would be quick and that I'll be able to go hide upstairs again.

We ended up staying with an aunt of ours. She had a little girl. My cousin. Not a bad little girl but bad enough that it's best to avoid playing with her too much. I hid myself away for a few moments in the bathroom. Drinking some water and hoping that nothing would happen while we're staying here. I guess I was wrong about hoping. Gordon and my father had some words. Over what I don't know and then my aunt got into the fiery mix.

This isn't a big house and I couldn't hide in the bathroom forever. Walking out and into the kitchen I ended up between the fridge and one of the countertops. I couldn't move forward or to my right. My aunt was on my right in front of the stove making dinner and my father and brother in between. I cursed myself for even coming into the kitchen in the first place. Now I was stuck and had to silently watch them in their yelling match.

When I did get out of my little corner I made coffee and drank mine as fast as I could. Then we had dinner. After which I put my eye drops in my eyes and headed for the first couch I've claimed to sleep on. The house only had two beds, one for my aunt and her husband and the other for their kid. Father is sleeping on the one and Gordon on a mattress on the ground.

I fell asleep before my brother could get to me and give me the 'I'm watching you look'. I woke up quite a few times in the night, I just couldn't settle. Frustrated I got my phone and went online to see if someone was there to talk to. Finding no one to talk to I once again tried to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

3 July 2066

I shot up with the sound of an alarm going off. At first I thought that I was upstairs again and that something had happened. Then the sound came again and I realized that it was my brother's alarm. I only dropped back onto my back and then got up. Once awake and alert there was no way in hell that I would sleep again.

I went to the kitchen and put the water on for coffee and went to use the bathroom before anyone could claim it. I could hear my brother shuffle into the kitchen and when I came out of the bathroom he passed me giving me a one armed hug. Soon the rest of the house had followed us. My cousin was grumpy and shoved me to the side when she saw me. I didn't care. I got myself ready and when it was time to go see the doctor I just got into the car and closed my eyes. They were dry and I felt like I was going to freeze at any moment.

Once at the doctor I ended up staring at the lights watching as they dimmed and brighten. I felt someone tap me on my arm and turning my head my father said: "What are you thinking about John?"

Shaking my head I only said: "I'm thinking of nothing father."

It was true. I didn't think of anything at that moment.

We were called into the doctor's office. Sitting down on the chair I knocked a remote off a table next to me. My mind wasn't awake properly, I felt bad for doing that but I felt sleepy. The doctor went to the side and got the remote when my father was about to bend down to retrieve it. Looking up at me and seeing the expression of guilt on my face the doctor smiled and said: "It's okay it's not broken. I've got it now so don't worry about it. Not the first time it's hit the ground."

My brother was also watching me. He moved to my side and rested his hand on mine for a moment and then took it away. Again I had to rest my head on the plastic thing and again a white and after a blue light made itself known into my eyes. Strange thing is that my eyes didn't even water this time. It was as if my tears had dried up.

Then the doctor moved some object up and down, left and right until I told him that I saw it and showed him what it was doing.

Then came the light again and I had to tell the doctor where it was coming from. I got eye drops into my eyes which made them numb. The doctor made me rest my chin on the plastic thing again and took my eye pressure. He told me that it should be at twelve but that it was on fifteen. So the pressure of twenty nine which the other person had taken was wrong.

I told the doctor that my eyes were doing strange things and while the lady who came into the office took my pressure too I told the doctor of the twisting, blurring, pain, numbness and tiredness. Remembering I also said that my eyes were dry throughout the day. To my embarrassment my father chipped in. "He wants to get his eyes removed."

I couldn't believe my father. I had told him that I'll only do it if the doctor says that I have to get an operation to relieve the pressure.

Looking down to the floor I had to listen to the doctors lecture about listening to the wrong people and not to do it just because someone had done it. I was angry at that moment. They were going on about it as if I was planning on taking my own life. They are not the ones living with these eyes. They weren't living with doubts about all of this.

The doctor hasn't even said anything about why my eyes were so dry all the time. As I got off the chair and found my brothers arm I heard the doctor telling me that it might be something else. Something must be wrong in my body somewhere for my vision to mess around. My eyes were as fine as they could be. We walked out to pay for my visit and I got my brother to leave me at the bathroom.

For a moment I just stood there in the middle of nowhere of the bathroom. I couldn't believe it. I came to get answers and instead I was left with more questions. What's causing this? Why now? Why me? When I found my brother and father again we left the office behind and went to the nearest mall for breakfast. Father had asked me if I was happy to know that my eyes were fine. I told him: "No, father. I'm not happy. It only left me with more questions."

As we drove back to our aunt father had told me that he'll get me to a normal doctor or he'll ask Brains or Virgil to run some tests to find out why my vision are acting up. Then my mind will be put to rest. Father also told me to thank God that my eyes were still okay. That I did but it still hasn't put my mind to rest.

Back at my aunt I ended up playing ball with my cousin. As I played my vision blurred out so much so that I ended up running straight into a pole. Stunned for a moment I was glad that I had my glasses on. It saved my face from getting smashed. I also found that the hotter I got the worse my vision got. My cousin hadn't noticed and I was glad that my father and brother wasn't around to witness my run in with the pole.

That afternoon went off without a hitch and I ended up watching my niece for a while, while everyone else was out to the shops. I also found my friend on the net and chatted with her. She made me smile and I forgot the pole and my embarrassment all together. I got on my couch early and was out like a light in moments.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: See chapter1.

Dear diary.

4 July 2066

I woke up and seeing what the time was I knew we were going to be late. I got up and put the water on again for coffee. I went back to my couch, got my clothes and headed off to the bathroom to get dressed and ready for the day. After leaving the bathroom and zipping my bag closed, and remembering my meds of course, I felt my still half asleep brother pass me. Putting out my hand I smacked him lightly on his arm to wake him up before he took a tumble over something.

It worked and I got a mumbled good morning in reply. Grinning I waited on my couch until the rest of the house was up and about. Soon it was time to go. My aunt was at one of my bags and I left her to it. Nothing in there for her which she hasn't seen yet anyway.

On the jet I got a hold of the bag my aunt was going through. What I found inside made me smile, she had hidden a box of chocolates in my bag for me. Grinning like a mad man I shook the box and listened to the yummy treat rattling inside. Hiding the box before Gordon got wind of it I silently thanked my aunt for making my day. I took out my phone and sent her a message to say thanks. I grinned when she replied that after two in the afternoon I shouldn't cheat on someone with chocolates.

Back home Grandma had a big piece of cheese cake waiting for me with some hot chocolate. My day just got better. Some of my brothers managed to swipe a small piece of my cake to taste and just as I thought that I'll be able to eat what was left of it my father swiped half of it.

I let them be and smiled. They really felt bad about the days before and now they were trying to make up for it by messing around. Just as I took my hot chocolate in my hands I heard a sudden yelp from each and every one of the cheese cake thieves. Sweet revenge. Grandma had caught them. Glad I'm not the one at the receiving end of her wooden spoon this time.

Grandma had come home from her visit to Penny. Father had told her how the visit went and that I have to go to another doctor at some point for some tests or to hear what might be causing my strange vision. I had a feeling that the two mother hens were already watching me. I just had that feeling that Virgil was close by...watching me.

I left the table after finishing my cake and hot chocolate. I unpacked and hid away my chocolate treats. I also found some more yummy snacks on my bed. Hiding them to I felt like a little mouse packing food away for the winter.

I got onto the internet and was glad to find that my connection was fixed again. I messaged my friend offering her some of my treats and wishing that I could send her a jet load of it to say thanks for letting me hang over her like a dark cloud and letting me rain on her when I got upset.

Heavens knows. My friend has helped me in a way that I have no idea how to thank her and we haven't even met. So now I'll have to wait until either Brains, Virgil or the doctor on the mainland had had a look at me before I'll know what is going on with my eyes and with me.

Hi everyone. This story was written almost a year ago. Wow, time had flown by fast didn't it? It wasn't a walk in the park to write this story although it did help me and prevent me from losing it. There's this friend I keep on talking about in this diary who had stuck with me throughout this diary and even before and after it she's still there for me. My rock.

Since I've started writing these stories I had met more wonderful friends here on fanfiction. I have to say thank you to each and everyone of you who I've met so far. Where would I be without you lot, what would I have been doing now if I haven't found this fanfiction site and you all. Thank you all for reading and please do remember to leave a review?


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